Are you scared?
Are you scared everyday in this pregnancy that you will have to say goodbye again?
Say goodbye to your child, again?
Are you scared of not ever knowing how this will turn out? Of not knowing what the future holds? Of hearing those words, the silence, of breaking the news?
Is that fear suffocating you? Are you managing to fool everyone that you aren’t consumed, crippled by that fear? Is it making it hard to breathe, to look forward, to relax into the moment, to bond and love your baby?
Just know this. You are not alone.
You are not alone. We are here. With you. This path of fear has been walked before, and is being walked with you, every day.
Please know this – fear does not have to win. Fear alone won’t save your child. Nor will it hurt your child. It has no power over you. Fear comes in, uninvited. It does not have to stay.
To fight fear, is to embrace hope.
To fight fear, is to be enveloped in the light.
To fight fear, is to fall in love.
Dare to dream. Dare to fully fall in love with your child. Your baby. Your baby who is growing, moving and living everyday. Growing, moving and living everyday, because of you. Hold on to that thought today. Fall in love, in spite of that fear.
Embrace it. Embrace this time. Embrace the fear, and decide who is going to win.
I know how suffocating that fear is. How suffocating it can feel, when you are already struggling to breathe through the grief and the pain of already saying goodbye.
Sit with me for a while. Close your eyes, and just breathe.
Breathe in love, and breathe out fear.
Breathe in hope, and breathe out pain.
Breathe in and breathe out.
Ask yourself, what if I enjoyed this pregnancy to its fullest potential?
What if I silenced the thoughts? The fear that I might have to say goodbye?
What if I let myself fall in to a sea of love, and hope, and joy, and drown in the fleeting moment that this, this might all be okay?
Just lie here with me for a moment, and let’s pretend together that fear isn’t a part of this pregnancy.
You are not alone.
You are the strongest of warriors.
You are a survivor.
You are a wonderful mother.
You love, firecly, with every cell of your body.
You are not alone.
Love, a mother also terrified of having to say goodbye again, pregnant after stillbirth.