Dear Mama, it is okay to be scared.
Pregnancy After Loss is scary. Scarier than I ever imagined it would be.
I knew that I would be nervous and anxious and sad, but I never imagined being so scared.
I was scared to go to my midwife appointments.
I was scared to go to ultrasounds.
I was scared to announce my pregnancy.
I was scared to have a baby shower.
I was scared for 9 months, and it was exhausting. I wanted more than anything to be excited and hopeful, but there was a looming doubt of not wanting to get my hopes up that never fully went away.
I wish there was a phrase or quote I could tell you that would take the fear away, but if you are like me there was nothing anyone could say to ease my fear. So rather than try to take your fear away I want to acknowledge your fear, and tell you it is okay.
You are scared because of how much you love. How much you love the baby who isn’t with you earth side. How much you love the baby within you now. How much you love being a mom. You are scared because you love them all so much and it is okay.
I am blessed to have my rainbow baby beside my at this very moment, and while I can say that those 9 months were long and scary and filled with more anxiety and tears than I ever thought possible to cry I can also say it was worth it.
So please remember Mama, you are strong and courageous and being scared doesn’t change that. You got this.