Dear Mama Facing Another Loss,

You are strong. You are brave. You are resilient. You have faced the worst that life can throw at you, conquered it, and now you are facing the unimaginable yet again. Even though at time it may feel like it, you are not alone though. I have had three losses, each left me with increasing feelings of grief, guilt, anger, and sadness. I wondered why my body kept failing me and my babies and why fate kept leading me down this dark path.

Mama, I have been where you are and I know there is nothing in the world that I can say to take the pain away. I wish there was some magical advice I could give you that would instantly bring you comfort, but grief isn’t a one size fits all thing. So instead, brave Mama, here are some things that I would like to share with you that helped me on my own personal journey in hopes that maybe some of them will help you too.

Know you are not alone.

When you are ready, reach out to others who have gone through this before whether it is online or in person. Finding a community of supportive women who had been through this before made me feel so much less broken and singled out by terrible luck.

Don’t hide your grief.

Initially I hid my emotions both from myself and from others. Sure it worked for a while, but eventually that grief started popping out in weird ways like panic attacks and randomly crying. I realized that I needed to be more open about my feelings both with myself and those around me. Only though finally facing the roller coaster of emotions was I actually able to start healing instead of just bottling it all up until it came out in odd ways.

All losses are different as are the feelings that come with them.

You might not feel the same way about this loss as you did about a previous loss and that is okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling more or less upset with a current loss compared to a previous one.

You are a Mother and you always will be, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Use you past experiences to help you through your present one.

Was there something you did to help cope with a previous loss that really seemed to help? Maybe you wrote a letter to your baby, made a memorial, or planted a garden. Whatever it was, use that experience to help you in the present.

Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it.

There is nothing wrong with seeking help from a friend, therapist or doctor and do not hesitate to do it if you feel that you need to.

I am so sorry that you are going through this Mama, and I truly hope that maybe my ramblings somehow helped you in even the smallest way. Just remember that you are not alone and there is a beautiful community of women ready to help pick you up when you are down. However bleak things may feel, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Whether it takes days, weeks, months, or years, you will find your new normal again.

With Love and Support,

Macy Gertken

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