I’ve been feeling the urge to purge this week.
I’m not sure if it’s nesting, the perpetual mess of kids home for the summertime getting on my fragile pregnancy nerves, or the desire to make our home into one that will work better for our soon-to-be family of seven. I think it’s a little of all of those. All I know is I’ve been drowning in clutter and I need it to stop. I need to walk across a floor and not step on a toy, or to have a few inches of kitchen counter that is not covered with stuff.
It has felt so good to get rid of things that we don’t need or use – puzzles with missing pieces, toys with broken parts, papers (oh my stars, the papers!). It feels cleansing, like I can breathe easier in the space.
But sometimes purging can bring up old memories. As we uncover things that belonged to our little ones, things that remind us of them, it can catch us off guard. A hospital bracelet in the bathroom cabinet, some programs or prayer cards from their funeral – those kinds of things that we have just sort of tucked away and forgotten about can surprise us and force us to remember. They are like little hidden booby traps, and just when we’re on a roll, sorting and bagging, we are stopped in our tracks, suddenly caressing this little unexpectedly treasured item. I’m forced to ask myself, is it time to throw out the hospital bracelet? It only says “TULLY, BABYGIRL,” not even her first name. It’s not the one that she wore; it was mine. Surely I don’t need to keep this, right?
But it ties me to her.
And there are so few things that do.
I decided to keep it, and am glad that I did. Though it leaves me wondering if there will come a time when I decide it needs to go. That thought makes me sad, but probably because my heart just isn’t ready for that time, yet.
When it comes, I’ll know.
Have you started nesting? Are you finding that you’re uncovering memories unexpectedly as you prepare for the arrival of your new little one?