Now for something fun!

Carmen's 23-week bump - Corny as can be

About a week before we were to get the news from the anatomy scan, I signed up for a Bumpin’ Dance Class.

The only requirement was to have a Bump, which I did! I fought so strongly against the urge, but my “belly” said it was time to choose joy!

Showing up (after “bumping” up against another vehicle…only scratching mine…clearly, not present) got me out of my head and into my body! We got to share about our pregnancies, and something we all shared was just how scary pregnancy is.

I admitted to the group that I was “trying to distract myself by instead choosing to enjoy my baby, my body, and myself–that deserves this!”

When the time came, I wasn’t feeling it. I had very low energy, and it was much easier to cozy up into bed. I pushed myself to break free from the crippling anxiety I’ve been feeling to dance, dance, dance it out! I realized I was trying to brush up on something I once felt, the joy of this baby and life in general, as I had been in a very unintentionally dark place.

I focused on just flaunting my bump, but not right away.

Carmen at a Bumpin' Belly Dance Class

Author’s Personal Collection/Carmen Grover

We connected, we breathed, we moved.

I was finally present after what felt like a long time since the positive pregnancy test and then the potentially scary diagnosis. My mind was everywhere but here, despite all the “methods.” I danced with my baby, and my joy was rediscovered. I allowed the past to stay in the past and let go of what may happen in the future for now.

One dance step at a time, focusing strictly on the beat and choreography, creating something–IN-JOY-MENT!

I was in tune with the rhythm of my body and the rhythm of my baby’s life, enjoying the gentle sway, allowing the endorphins to flow freely.

Carmen at a Bumpin' Belly Dance Class

Author’s Personal Collection/Carmen Grover

In the past, I would strip and deny myself of that joy because I couldn’t celebrate a “potential baby that could die inside me.”

Whether this baby died or lived, enjoying myself and the life within for a small moment was a memory I will always hold onto. No matter what happens, no one can take that from me. It’s not going to make me miss the baby or be devastated more if we lose the baby. That’s going to happen regardless, and instead, I’d have the guilt of not having “enjoyed it.” I’m so glad we did! “We” belly danced together, and we loved it!

Sorry for the blurry pictures, but it means we’re having fun, right?

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