The weeks are passing very quickly with this pregnancy. This week is no exception.
The hand, foot, and mouth disease plague has descended on our home and I’ve been busy caring for feverish children who need juice and medicine and cuddles in the middle of the night. At the end of this week, though, I am going to be having my anatomy ultrasound. While I am excited to learn the gender of our baby, I am also very nervous to learn that something may be wrong.
It was at this same ultrasound that I learned that our twins were ill. I had been listening to their heartbeats all along, just as I have with this baby, but I didn’t know until the scan that they were struggling to survive from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. I can remember seeing them in there and thinking, ignorantly, that they looked like they were reaching out to each other – so precious. The technician was tight-lipped and left the room rather quickly, and I knew then that something was wrong.
In the few weeks before this, I have been fearing that same kind of thing happening again. I’ve been wondering if my belly is big enough, trying to remember how big I was at this point in the last pregnancy. Is the baby growing enough? Is the heartbeat fast enough? Am I feeling as much movement as I usually do? Just because I can hear the heartbeat on my doppler doesn’t mean that everything is okay in there. I know that one first hand. I’ve been dreaming that the baby has died or that I will learn that something terrible is wrong.
All of these worries would typically have my stomach in knots, especially these few days before the appointment. I would usually get myself all worked up, need to practice deep-breathing to stay calm, and probably have a headache because that’s how I roll.
But back-to-school preparations and taking care of my little ones (who, coincidentally, will probably not be going back to school as planned because of said plague) is keeping me so occupied that I have been too busy to worry. The days are going by quickly and it will be Friday before I know it, and my appointment will be here.
I’m so thankful for these diversions this week, because among the many things in this life that I need to get better at is managing my worries. Having a headache and an upset stomach doesn’t change the way things are going to be on Friday. It doesn’t prepare me better for the appointment or help the baby at all. It’s something that I know in my head, but I always have a hard time putting into practice. Letting go of worries is unbelievably difficult for me, not just in pregnancy, but in everything. It is a life skill that I need to learn.
So what do you do when worries creep in? When you have an upcoming appointment that is making you nervous or you’re approaching a week that was significant in your loss. Or in any other life situation where you’re prone to worry, how do you calm yourself down so that the worry doesn’t consume you?
Image credit: sgarbe84