The closer I get to my due date, the more excited I feel. I’m in what feels like an everlasting awe at the manifestation of what God has promised my husband and me. I took a moment to read through my journal (where my entire life is documented) to reflect on where we’ve been and where we are and I came across a journal entry that I wrote on May 3, 2021, addressed to Brielle & Brayden. It was an open letter that I wrote to my future child as well as an expression of my faith.
At the time, after 2 losses, having a baby did not look promising. However, my husband and I both still believed that we’d soon have a little boy or a little girl and that’s why we named them long before we’d know them. After writing the letter to my unborn child, it was just two months later that I learned I was pregnant again. Two months after that, we learned that the baby inside of me was Brielle.
The letter reads:
Monday, May 3, 2021
I’m sitting here on a plane from California after visiting my best friends; your aunts. We had a weekend “girls trip” in LA which was much needed for us. As I’m headed back home to your daddy, whom I miss so much after just 3 days, I’m just thinking about you and how much we really want you. I’m wondering when you’ll arrive but I don’t want to rush God’s order.
As I stare into the clouds through the airplane window, I feel your spirit in the heavens. I feel you closer than I ever have and I anticipate when you’ll make your way to the earth through me. I am praying for you, your arrival, and your life. You’re going to be so smart and beautifully made. You’re going to be kind-hearted and ambitious like your dad and intuitive and wise like your mom. You’re going to be God-fearing and powerful. You will be healthy and whole.
I can’t wait to meet you and to bond with you. I can’t wait to raise you with your dad and with God and give you everything you deserve. I can’t wait to see what you’ll become. I know your impact will be great and that you will do amazing things and that’s part of why it’s such a struggle to get you here. There’s people here who are going to need you aside from myself and your dad. You’re so valuable to this earth and I can feel that. And nothing of real value ever comes easy. That’s why I’m willing to get you here by any medical means necessary. Your purpose is beyond what I can imagine and God will get the glory from your life. I can’t wait to see it and I can’t wait to see you.
I love you,
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