“You’re doing it, you’re growing a person.”
After suffering miscarriages back to back and knowing what I was up against health-wise, hearing those words, “You’re doing it, you’re growing a person,” coming from my midwife drew tears from my eyes at my last prenatal visit. I really am doing it! I’m what they call third-generation DES exposed, a condition that hinders fertility. That diagnosis used to live rent-free in my mind. However, week by week it becomes more and more powerless. I truly believe that the stronger my mind is, the stronger my body becomes in restoring itself to its natural design.
Faith and belief have carried me all the way to my third trimester!
I love hearing Brielle’s powerful heartbeat because I’m reminded of God’s favor and His divine order. I’m reminded that a delay is not a denial. I want to take the time to acknowledge and encourage all the angel mommies and daddies and the couples that are trying with no results. I want you to know that I’m praying for you relentlessly. I’m praying for your strength and peace at a time where you may feel forsaken. If you’re accustomed to the Christian faith, you can recall that even Jesus felt forsaken by the Father just shortly before he was glorified. So just know that the suffering you may currently be in does not compare to the glory that will soon be revealed in you. God is not a God of time. He is a God of divine order.
In my time of despair after I had taken countless negative pregnancy tests and losing the two that read positive, I decided I had to be intentional with my living. That meant that I had to remember life outside of the pressure of whether I’d be a mom or not. I had to remember who I was and what I was about simple as B. When I took my focus off that pressure and put it into simply living and enjoying the blessing of life itself, that’s when my miracle occurred.
I know it can be easier said than done, but here are a few things I did to remind myself to keep living even while going through the process.
Remind yourself of the things you have accomplished.
Embrace all of your titles and accolades. Celebrate them and give yourself your flowers. More importantly, remember your worth!
It can be across the world or it can be a small road trip. A change of scenery is always refreshing and rejuvenating.
Have a “first-time” experience.
Ask yourself when was the last time you did something for the very first time. Was it months ago, years ago, decades even? I went a little extreme and decided to go skydiving! But maybe you’ve never taken a cooking class or a painting class. Put your mind to something new.
Embrace your time and be intentional with it.
Accept the invites out and have a blast, or curl up on your couch with wine and popcorn and binge-watch your favorite show. Whatever you choose, be present in each moment. Life is precious and valuable, and while there is much to grieve, there is also much to appreciate. Even in the midst of sorrow, I believe the healing I needed came from my devoted choice to keep on keeping on and find the light. There is light in the darkness but you’ll never find it if you neglect to search within yourself.