When you find out that you are pregnant at 3 weeks, combined with the fears of pregnancy after loss, the halfway point of 20 weeks feels like it is going to take FOREVER to arrive. I didn’t know if we would ever get here again, and I’m so grateful that we have. At the beginning of this pregnancy, I talked with my therapist (who I started seeing pretty quickly after our third loss – if anyone is on the fence about talking to a therapist, I highly recommend it) about needing to give up control and trusting that whatever was meant to be would happen and remember that there is incredibly little that I could do or not do to alter the outcome. I started to believe that maybe the last few babies, for whatever reason, just weren’t meant for us, and if we were lucky, this new baby would be perfectly and wonderfully made to be our child. 

Bridget's 20-week bump - Half Way

Author’s Personal Collection/Bridget Wicherek

Last week, we had our much-anticipated anatomy scan, and we heard the words, “Your baby looks wonderful!”

I didn’t realize just how much I had been worrying that we wouldn’t hear those words until we did. What a relief. It was so nice to be able to really look at our baby and examine him. He gave the ultrasound tech a little bit of a hard time by falling asleep and getting into a funny Buddha-like position, which required us to pause and have me jump around, but if that was the hardest part of the ultrasound, I was happy for it.

Image from Bridget's Anatomy Scan - Half Way

Author’s Personal Collection/Bridget Wicherek

We’ve been talking to baby boy much more recently, and one of the cutest things has been seeing how our son speaks to his baby brother.

He’ll put his face right up to my belly in the morning and say, “Good morning, baby brother. It’s your James. I love you!” Sometimes it breaks my heart that he never got to do this with his siblings in heaven and other times I am glad he was spared the understanding of what my husband and I have been through the last few years. Someday, we’ll tell him and baby brother about their angel siblings. 

We are now in the biggest stretch between appointments, with 5 weeks (now 4) until our next visit.

Up next is the glucose tolerance test, which cannot be done before 24 weeks, so we’ll go from 19 weeks to 24 weeks before our next opportunity to hear baby. As I write this, I think that making it through the good news of the anatomy scan and the anticipation of feeling stronger baby movements (baby’s femurs are measuring a little long, so I’m waiting for some good kicks!) will help keep me calm over the next month. In the meantime, our summer is revving up with camp, pool passes, play dates, and a baby moon in a few weeks!

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