It has been a pretty smooth week, so I have been reflecting on how we got here. When I first started on this journey of loss, I was angry. I didn’t understand why this was happening to us as a couple and to me personally. The first one we thought, “Wow, this really stinks, what horrible luck.” And then the second happened. And then the third. “Why us again and again?” It took a while to shift the thinking to, “Why do I think I am so special that I shouldn’t experience something like this?” Eventually, it occurred to me that by wondering, “Why us again and again?” felt as though I was then wishing to transfer this experience and the pain to someone else, to another couple. That felt immensely unfair because I wouldn’t wish these experiences on anyone.

Bridget's 13-week bump: Surround Yourself with People and Things that Give You Hope

Author’s Personal Collection/Bridget Wicherek

After our third loss, I started searching for people in like situations through social media.

I found many who had suffered losses and also many who struggled with infertility and the inability to get pregnant. I had been following one woman for quite some time, but then one day, she asked her followers what she should say in her family group chat in which it was announced that her sister was in labor. It did not feel like this person had any sort of happiness that their sister was going to have a (hopefully) healthy baby and that she herself would be gaining a niece or nephew to love. Instead, she seemed bitter. This put me over the edge – from my perspective looking in, it seemed as though she wished her sister had experienced infertility struggles like she had instead of having an “easy” road to pregnancy and a healthy baby. I let this sit with me for a day, and I unfollowed this person.

The club of mothers who have lost a child and those who long for a child and are struggling to become pregnant is the most horrible club I have ever been a part of.

The most surprising part about the club that I never could have imagined is that it isn’t nearly as exclusive as I once thought. I would never wish for or hope for someone else to join the club. The dues are lifelong and too expensive mentally, physically, and financially.

In this path of grief and now hope, I am finding it really important to soak in positive messages and do my best to have positive thinking because the anger and bitterness aren’t serving me anymore.

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