Mary Mathes is a market research consultant who finds writing a helpful means of processing her parenthood journey. She lost her first pregnancy in March 2019 at nine weeks, a baby she and her husband remember as their little “pumpkin” because she was due in October. After a subsequent struggle with infertility, they welcomed their son Nathan in summer 2021. Mary is now expecting a little girl also due in October, making this journey especially bittersweet as she cautiously celebrates milestones she never reached four years ago. Mary hopes this journey will encourage others while honoring the memory of her first child.