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Yesterday I had several encounters that encouraged me to stay the course in maintaining faith in the unseen; for me, that’s bringing home a healthy baby. I thought I’d share some of the things that happened in the hopes that it will encourage you other PAL momma’s to hold on to hope.

Maybe I was just overwhelmed with the realization that in less than 10 weeks this little baby could be here with us, at least I hope she will be. It still doesn’t seem real, and it probably won’t until I’m actually home with a live baby.

After my husband left for work for the day, I set up my toddler son with his morning ritual of a second breakfast and “The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That”. Then I sat down with my coffee and an easy to read devotional. One of the verses I was lead to said:

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1-2)

I had to ruminate on this one for a while-I still am- to figure out how this applies to my life right now.

After Zuri passed away I know my faith was deeply shaken; shaken but not shattered and I’m sure that’s a huge part of the reason I’m still standing today. I still have faith and believe that God has good things planned for my family. I’ve struggled to believe that good things can still happen, because the things that I’ve hoped for haven’t worked out that way. I’m now learning that just because things don’t work out the way I want or expect them to, doesn’t mean there can’t be joy and contentment in life.

My mom and I had a wonderful conversation about this verse; we talked about how important it is to have faith and hope, it’s just that sometimes things happen that make us jaded. My mom is a very strong person, she’s been an amazing source of support for me during this journey; but I also know that it’s been hard for her as well. It was really great to be able to encourage each other.

Later in the morning, I called to schedule our hospital tour. It was kind of strange because it’s the same hospital where I delivered Zuri. The kind lady on the other end must have picked up on my uneasiness, she asked if I’d been there before. When I explained the situation she expressed how sorry she was and that she understood- she had experienced a stillbirth many years ago and had gone through subsequent healthy births after the loss. She said she knew how hard it is, and even asked how I was doing with this pregnancy. Her empathy was so refreshing; she said “it literally is a labor of love”. So true indeed.

Then later in the afternoon I was able to drop off a meal for a family in our church who recently had a new baby. I’ve only met the family once or twice, but I know from our brief conversations that they have experienced a couple of losses before. The wife was very sweet in congratulating me on my pregnancy and asked if I was feeling like I was in “the safe zone” yet. When I said that I felt a little better than earlier in the pregnancy, but ultimately it wouldn’t be until baby is here, she completely understood. As she looked at her newborn she said “it’s hard, but it’s worth it”. I’m really hoping I get to experience that same feeling.

All of these encounters left me feeling like I’d gotten the boost I needed to keep hoping and stay strong in my faith for a little longer. I’m sure I’ll need many more “boosters” and I’m not at all saying that there aren’t still fears and anxieties to fend off. But it’s nice to know that not all stories end with sadness and heartache. There is hope. There can be joy, even if it is laced with a little sorrow at times. Although I don’t know what the future holds, even for this pregnancy, for now I’m going to just keep moving in faith.

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