I have always been one to announce my pregnancies early. The excitement was too high to keep it a secret; I felt like my ginormous smile would give it away. However, when I got pregnant with Eden after Zachary died, I debated when to tell my family and friends that I was expecting again. It is a challenging decision.


There are two sides to consider when weighing the options:


Telling Early – PRO


If you announce your pregnancy early, the one big pro, in my opinion, is that you have support. Hopefully this support is only needed for the morning sickness of the first trimester – but what if? What if something does go wrong? This always motivated me to share my pregnancy news during the first trimester. I couldn’t imagine having to face a potential loss alone – especially since Zach died. I knew I needed my tribe, my community behind me no matter what.


I remember when a friend confided in me that she had a miscarriage a few years before. My first reaction was shock because I had not even known she was pregnant. Then, I wondered how to help her and be there for her so many years after. I respected her decision not to tell anyone, but at the same time, it made me sad to know that she carried her sorrow all alone.


Telling Early – CON


So while support early in your pregnancy can be wonderful, there is also the consideration of privacy. There are times when everyone doe NOT need to know what goes on in your private life. What if you are the type of person that does not feel the need to share every detail of what is happening with you on all your social networks? Maybe you don’t want to announce your pregnancy news too soon, because what if something does happen.


To some people, it would be mortifying to announce baby is on the way on Facebook, for example, only to have a loss and then need to repost that things did not work out. Another one of my friends experienced this exact scenario. Once it’s out there, even if you do share about your loss, there is the chance that some do not see it and still ask you, “How is your pregnancy going?”


It is okay to reject the feeling of pressure to announce before you’re ready. We live in an almost over-the-top sharing society. We can go online and see what our friends had for breakfast or look at acquaintances’ in their bathing suites in photos of their recent family vacation. Is that necessary? It’s debatable. Sometimes it can be incredibly special to keep the things that are most precious to us, as things we only share within our immediate family and close friends.


Photo © Alexis Marie Chute

Photo © Alexis Marie Chute


Waiting to Share – PRO


Continuing with the thought above, it may be extremely special to wait and ruminate about the potential life inside of you until you are fully ready to share the news publicly. This can be a precious time for a mom and dad. You can be reflective and cherish the early days without the outward commentary and congratulations.


Waiting to share that you are pregnant again may also become a time where you reflect on your child you lost and prepare yourself for the months to come. As others in your family and close friend circle likely mourned your last child with you, they may be nervous as well for the health and safety of your next child. Waiting to announce that you are expecting can insulate yourself from the worry of others.


Waiting to Share – CON


What if your own worry is too much for you? I remember my first pregnancy after loss: initially I was only thrilled when I saw the two pink lines on the pregnancy test, but it didn’t take long for fear and anxiety to creep in. If you wait to share your news, you also wait to share those difficult emotions. How much can you bear without the encouragement and support of others?


There is no right or wrong answer to when you should announce your pregnancy. Sharing your pregnancy specifically after loss may add another dimension to consider, because you know that things do not always work out. I hope the above pro/con discussion helps you decide what’s right for you.
No matter when you choose to share about your new pregnancy, you will likely also find yourself talking about the baby you have lost. Communication is healing and sharing with those you trust can be a lifesaver.


Best wishes to you as you journey forward with your family.


Alexis Marie Chute

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