Week 12 of this pregnancy was a short week for me because my due date was changed! I had my second visit with my OB, and the baby is continuing to measure about three days ahead. During my visit, I was 12 weeks and 4 days pregnant according to my IVF timeline, but the baby was measuring at 13 weeks, so I got to jump ahead a few days. Every time we do an ultrasound, the baby looks more and more like a real baby, this time wiggling his arms and legs and doing somersaults. We had our official nuchal translucency (NT) measurement and came in just a little higher than “normal,” but we also received all normal NIPT results, which felt reassuring. Our doctor is not concerned, so K and I are trying to quiet our own fears (while also keeping on top of any future appointments and testing to make sure all continues to progress well).

Ultrasound image - Alli's Bump Day Blog, Week 12: Feeling More Real

Author’s Personal Collection/Alli Baker

With these positive results and the baby looking good, K and I both noticed that this was the first time we felt like maybe we will actually be holding our first living child.

Although he has felt more and more real to me with each week and each appointment, it has been hard to let myself believe that he is both real and okay–he is real and healthy.

Preparing for the reality that this baby will be here this year feels completely bizarre.

Our therapist had suggested that we begin a list of tasks our loved ones can help us with when the baby arrives, and I nearly scoffed at the recommendation. I’m in first-trimester survival mode and can barely believe my baby is still growing well every day–how could I even imagine what we will need in July? I also ordered a crib, but I only ever imagined it going into storage in our garage, not into use in our bedroom. We have vaguely discussed childcare, and we save for it every month, but it continues to feel like “maybe someday.” But I’m beginning to believe that someday might actually be sooner than I think. The thought that I will have to actually deliver this baby occasionally crosses my mind (and, of course, scares me enough that I have to move on quickly!).

Watching the baby kick his legs and “swim” around on the ultrasound screen helps me believe this future is coming while also grounding me in the reality that this baby is still only the size of a peach with a long way to grow. For now, we are taking it one day at a time.

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