Dear You,

You have been my partner, as you promised to be. We may not have had the traditional vows, but you fulfilled them anyway.

Through sickness, through health.

For better, for worse.

I don’t know if I would still be here without you. Outliving our child changed who I am and who you are, but somehow our relationship always felt secure. You took care of me then in a way no one else could. You take care of our family now in a way no one else can.

I see the way you maintain space and love for our baby who doesn’t get to live and grow. I love you more for it.

I see the way you support and guide our babies who live. And I love you more for that too.

This parenting after loss journey is complicated and difficult, but I’m braver knowing you are beside me. You know I struggle with the concept of luck, but I don’t know how else to explain that I feel lucky to have found you. In a sea of humans, I somehow found you. Someone who got me as an individual on all levels – from the deep, human stuff to the silly day-to-day observations. Someone who gets me now as all I am – a bereaved mother, a mother after loss, a mother, a partner, a friend, a woman, a human.

We know better than most that the future doesn’t come with guarantees. But know this – you are irreplaceable. You are the only other soul who experienced our baby’s short life as his parent. You are his, you are mine, he is ours.

I expect to love you for the rest of my life as my partner. But I know I will love you for the rest of my life as their father.

Happy Father’s Day.



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