Because I love you more than you know and because I didn’t always feel like the best mother, I want you to know…

I apologize

I apologize for whenever I lost my temper. I apologize if I wasn’t patient enough. I apologize for the many times you saw me cry and couldn’t understand why. I apologize for the days I couldn’t just be happy. I apologize for the days I said, “I wish I had a girl in the house”.

I apologize for the holidays that instead of me being beyond happy I “put on” a happy face for y’all but inside I wasn’t happy. I apologize for needing Leilani the same way I needed you. I apologize for the awkward things I made you do to include your sister in our lives. I apologize if I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough because you were.

I don’t apologize

I don’t apologize for loving your sister the same way I loved you, because a love so strong can only mean that I would do anything for you as I would do for her.

I don’t apologize for living for her the same way I lived for you. I don’t apologize for talking about her all the time. I don’t apologize for creating a legacy in her honor.

I don’t apologize for wishing she was here on earth with us. I don’t apologize for remembering her birthday and wondering what she would’ve been. Because the same way I loved you, I loved her.

I hope that you understand my love for you. For you were the reason I survived life.

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