Even as a writer, my birth experience has been the hardest thing to put into words. Partly because life has been on GO ever since Brielle’s arrival, but mostly because when I do have a moment to sit and reflect, the only word that comes to mind is indescribable.
Here is my attempt to put such a miraculous moment into words.
I finally understand what women have meant when I’ve read the stories of pain-free births. Though, when it came to my contractions, there was NOTHING pain-free about them. I felt every ounce of my body’s power as I consistently reminded myself that the pain wasn’t against me, but it was working for me. I’m so thankful for hypnotherapy and my Christian hypnobirthing tracks (an app that can be downloaded on your mobile phone via the Apple App Store or Google Play) that led me through 10 hours of contractions at home and completely unmedicated. I spent the majority of the time in a squat position with my arms wrapped around my husband’s neck as I swayed from left to right. I focused on saying, “Thank you, Jesus,” through each contraction as they washed through me like 60-second tidal waves, all while meditating to the sounds of Christian hypnotherapy.
Keeping myself in a space of gratitude and thankfulness affirmed for me that what was happening was not happening to me but happening through me and no matter how painful it felt, it was all positive and I was blessed to be a vessel in the life-giving process. After 10 hours, my contractions were so close together and so much stronger that I could no longer stand upright. I knew it was time to get to the birth center. The pain of my contractions was unimaginable but I was built for it.
After arriving at the birth center, it was obvious to me that I had reached active labor.
I could feel the urge to push and while my midwife and nurse suggested I’d give it a little more time, I encouraged them that my body was ready and was going to move forward on its own whether we joined it or not. They listened. While this stage of labor was very intense, I suffered no pain at pushing. I welcomed each contraction without tension and without fear but with readiness to be led into each next push. I felt the intensity of it all but I was no longer in pain as I allowed my mind to be free, subsequently freeing my body. After trying a few different positions in the pool, the position most comfortable for me turned out to be on my knees, leaning forward into my husband’s chest. I was completely relaxed letting out gentle deep groans with each push to assist in the display of downward energy.
In less than 2 hours of active labor, Brielle was born.
Between being in a pool of warm soothing water, the worship music in the background, the affirmations coming from my husband and my mom, and the spirit connection I felt with my daughter, trusting that she was working with me, I couldn’t have asked for a better birth experience. I believe in the power of visualization. For several months I meditated on how I expected my birth experience to go. I prayed for it, spoke it out loud, and visualized it into reality. With God, all things are made possible. From conception to delivery, God made it all possible.