When you lose a baby, your world feels like it is suspended in time. Grief engulfs you and it can seem like there is no end in sight. The life you once knew is in your rearview, but there are days when you get glimpses of who you used to be. Then one day, the smoke begins to clear and things start to settle into place. As you get acquainted with the new-found you, you make a conscious decision to pick up the shattered pieces. You may eventually feel strong enough to try again. Expecting your rainbow baby can add an underlying layer to the already complicated emotions you feel about pregnancy after loss. While rainbow babies are an absolute blessing they are not the final fix to a grieving heart.
This post is a reminder that ALL children have value whether you can see them or not. You don’t have to minimize your joy for your rainbow or diminish your sorrow for your angel. Both can be true simultaneously. To those parents who have suffered the death of your rainbow baby please know, I see you and stand with you. Not all rainbow baby stories end in celebration. I acknowledge and hold space to that very truth, in honor of each child’s journey.
Myth 1: Rainbow babies are replacement babies.
No matter how many children you have after a loss, that subsequent child will never replace your angel baby that died.
Myth 2: Rainbow babies take away the pain of loss.
While rainbow babies are beautiful miracles their mere presence does not erase the hurt and pain of loss. Grief and joy can coexist when parenting a rainbow baby.
Myth 3: Your rainbow pregnancy will be smooth sailing.
Rainbow pregnancies can be extremely hard to manage. Your anxieties and fears can try to take over your mind if you’re not intentional.
Myth 4: You won’t have enough room in your heart to love your rainbow baby after loss.
The loss of your angel baby hurts, and it may feel like you can’t see yourself loving another baby. But you don’t have to choose. Your heart is big enough to love all your babies.
Myth 5: Once you get pregnant with your rainbow baby, you have nothing to worry about.
Even after all the excitement about getting pregnant with your rainbow baby, the harsh truth is, it doesn’t guarantee that this baby will make it. To all those who lost your rainbow baby, I honor them in their absence.
A version of this post was originally posted on the author’s Instagram.