During my pregnancy after loss I was SUPER anxious! And you know what, that is TOTALLY normal. A pregnancy that follows a loss is a unique experience, one where the joy of expecting a new baby is riddled with fear. You worry that this baby will die too, just like your previous baby did. It’s no wonder that the mom pregnant again after a loss is wracked with fears during the next pregnancy.
So, if you support an anxious pregnancy after loss mom, here are some things you CAN say to help her. You may ease her nerves for a minute or two during this anxious nine-month journey through pregnancy after loss.
1. Your motherhood is not defined by the number of children you have on Earth or by your child’s death or by your losses. You.Are.A.Mother! No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Remember that!
2. You are brave, strong, and courageous. You are grieving AND creating new life at the same time. That is super wicked hard–no matter how others respond to you and your conflicting emotions of pregnancy after loss. You are a courageous mama!
3. Just take one step at a time. You don’t have to do it all today. You don’t have to do any of it today. Just take one day at a time. Remember, today you are okay.
4. You deserve to believe that this baby will live, no matter how hard that it might be to do. If it’s too hard for you to believe this, then I will believe it for you. I’ve got you!
5. I will hold onto hope for you. I know that is really hard to do during a pregnancy that follows a loss. If you can’t get behind the idea of hope right now, then I will for you. I will hold onto hope so tight that it will squeeze out and ooze right into you.
6. You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to be courageous. You get to be scared and sad and all that messy emotional stuff because this pregnancy after loss shit is hard! You get to have all the feels because that is what this messy life after loss is about. I give you permission to embrace it. Feel the feels. It will be okay. The emotions won’t break you. They are there because you love and loved so strongly that your heart now feels like it wants to burst. Let it. I’ll help pick up the pieces.
7. You get to feel joy. You get to celebrate this life and the life growing inside of you. You deserve it!
8. You are already a mother to ALL your children: living, deceased, and in the making. You are a beautiful mama, no matter what!
9. You are a loving mother. As Jodi Picoult is quoted, “The very fact that you are worried about being a good mom means you already are a good mom, a loving mom.”
10. I’m here with you.