I am not a big fan of selfies, unless of course, it has to do with the miracle of carrying new life into this world and celebrating it with shameless shots of your ever-growing bump! You might feel totally out of your comfort zone, especially as a pregnant after loss mama, and that is to be expected. Few women feel at glamorous when pregnant (does anyone besides Gisele?), but the truth is a woman is almost never more radiant than when she is carrying new life. Regardless, the benefits below of documenting this time in your life have little to do with glamour and have everything to do with healing, self-care, and bonding.
Shutterstock/YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV
1. Documenting this time in your life can be therapeutic and healing on so many levels.
In retrospect, you will be able to say, “I celebrated my pregnancy, as hard as it was…” Of course, there are SO many ways to celebrate your pregnancy! This is just one.
2. It gives you a chance to have something to celebrate NOW.
The thing I hear the most from pregnant after loss mamas (and something I often thought myself) is that they will be able to breathe/ be happy/ celebrate once the baby is alive and in their arms. I get it, I really do. I felt the exact same way, but give yourself the liberty to celebrate something before that milestone – that so often feels eons away.
3. Watch your growing belly.
It gives you the chance to see how it grows so quickly from month to month.
4. Gain your confidence back.
After experiencing a loss, confidence is often the first thing to do. Personally, I felt like my body had betrayed me and my first child. Unless you live with chronic pain and illness, or grow up close to someone who deals with chronic pain and illness, you instinctively trust your body to do what it’s supposed to do, especially during pregnancy. Documenting your pregnancy with pictures can help you restore some of that lost confidence and give you some visible markers of what your body can do, and has done.
5. Something to look forward to.
I started to really enjoy documenting my pregnancy with E, our last baby. I hardly had any preggo pictures with my first “rainbow.” That particularly made me sad, but it was very reflective of how I felt of the entire nine or so months – petrified of something going wrong, anxious, and leery of celebrating or being too happy about it or even crazier- jinxing it. I decided to make this last pregnancy one I would shamelessly celebrate.
6. Bonding with baby time.
If it’s one thing that pregnancy after loss moms feel, it is probably guilt. Guilty about being pregnant again “too soon”, guilty about buying something for baby, guilty about being happy, or relieved or whatever. Guilt, guilt, guilt. The relentless guilt often leads mama to distance herself from the baby, in a survival kind of way, but also in a I’m-not-over-my-loss-and-don’t-know-how-to-embrace-this-new-pregnancy kind of way too. Snapping shots of the two of you will give you some bonding time, if you are struggling with bonding with this new baby, which by the way, is totally and completely normal.
7. Your bump is freakin’ beautiful.
Has anyone told you yet? Because it is. It is an absolute wonder actually. Think about it. You are growing fingers, toes, a beating heart, tiny lungs, a human brain that will think thoughts and learn to speak one or two languages. Please dear mama, do not underestimate your beauty, your courage and all the magic that pregnancy (especially after loss!) entails.
8. Get gussied up!
Okay, so realistically you might not be in the mood for dress up and heels, but taking selfies once a month or once a week can give you an excuse to try on a new lipstick, shop for a new maternity shirt or try a five-minute hairstyle you spotted on Pinterest one afternoon.
9. If you plan on sharing your pictures on Instagram or social media, without probably realizing it, you are creating your community.
You are drawing people in, and sharing this time in your life will give you the support you need the most to celebrate this beautiful and intensely bittersweet time in your life.
Author’s Personal Collection/Franchesca Cox
10. You document things going on in your life, while you are pregnant, that you might otherwise not remember vividly.
Because I chose to take this picture above, I remember that I was exactly 16 weeks on the day my brother-in-law and sister-in-law tied the knot, a wedding that both my husband and I got to be a part of. It was a pretty special day for everyone. While shopping for a dress that was maternity friendly was not the highlight of my pregnancy, sharing that time with close family, and this sweet girl on the way was. So, so special.
I hope that if you’re not already, that you will join the parade of mamas documenting their pregnancies after loss. If you would like to share your bump, our community would LOVE to see them. Join us on Friday mornings on Facebook for our #itsbumptime thread, or tag @pregnancyafterlosssupport on Instagram!
Thank you for sharing this article. I’m 29 weeks along with my little rainbow and only took my fist baby bump selfie a week ago, compared to this time with carrying my angel I had pics week by week. Your articles makes me feel more confident and shameless that I should celebrate even more this little miracle growing inside me. xx
YES!!! <3 sending so much love!
when I first started this pregnancy I wanted to enjoy every minute of it, it’s my last pregnancy so that was the plan, live it and enjoy it every single minute…. but things hardly go as we planed it, I’m in bed rest since week 24 until my c- section, the worst pregnancy ever, full of extra dears, all i want to do is get over it and have my sweet girl,in my arms… but like you say Fran i’m going to try to take a few shameless selfies and enjoy this last tree weeks we dreserve it!!!!
Oh Fernanda, I am so sorry to hear this. I hope the next few weeks /months go by swiftly. And good on you for wanting to take them anyhow. Lots of love dear friend. xxxx
How timely. Just yesterday at the beach I did that wonder stare at a very pregnant woman taking a belly shot that I knew would be gorgeous gently kicking myself that I didn’t take more. If there is one thing we’ve learned after loss it’s that ‘nothing is worth more than this day’. In the grand scheme of life the time you spend pregnant is short… embrace it through the tears.
(((hugs)))
I’m definitely not confident enough yet to do prego selfies with this pregnancy. After 2 losses, I’m on red alert. I love the reasoning though and hope that I will, at some point, be able to feel more confident. I’m only 7 weeks though…give me another 30! Ha!
Thank you so much for this. My daughter was born a stillborn at 24 weeks a little over a year ago. I just found out I’m expecting again and I am nervous. Reading this article helped more than you will ever know. I am going to set aside time to bond with my little rainbow baby. I am going to trust my body again and I am going to cherish ever moment of this pregnancy.
Ugh selfies will be a tough part for me.
My 4th pregnancy was suppose to be my good healthy pregnancy. I wasn’t sick so I was working out and I had one picture I posted to Facebook that was comparing my 3rd pregnancy belly at 5 months to my 5 Months belly then which was so small.
We found out shortly after that that the reason was because the baby had stopped growing shortly after 15weeks. So…. I might pass. I kind a wanna hide under a rock for 9 months.